


56 Vigniettes

by catyah



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-16
Updated: 2011-03-16
Packaged: 2017-10-17 01:14:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catyah/pseuds/catyah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One ficlet for each episode of Riptide -- some are gen, some are het, and near the end, some are slashy, or at least pre-slash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Season One

1.

 

"Oh Murray, sweet Jesus, that feels so good, don't stop!"

"Kimba! Shhh!" I hissed, pausing to look up from where I trailed kisses across her neck and chest. "Somebody'll hear us! You want Mama Jo to catch us?" I looked around, but of course I couldn't see anything back here in the dark, so I went back to the urgent kissing and groping that we were indulging in.

"I wish there was more time," she whispered. "I wanted to --"

"I know. Me, too..." I trailed off, and feeling needy and wanting more, my fingers sped up as they moved over her body. At last I reached a sweet spot and soon had her writhing and pressing herself against my hand.

As she came, I smothered her cries with my mouth. She responded by sucking at my tongue, nearly pulling me over the edge as well. When she relaxed, still panting softly, she stared at me with tears in her eyes.

"We should get back to my goodbye party. Mama Jo will be looking for me soon, and Nick and Cody will notice that you're gone, too."

We looked up and around at Straightaway's empty coatcheck room, and I crawled to the doorway to make sure that the coast was clear before we stood up. Before we could leave, she caught my hand, holding me close.

"Murray. Remember how I promised I'd come back for a visit?" I could only nod, knowing the 'let's just be friends speech' by heart, but was surprised when she gave me a kiss that I could feel down to my toes, followed by an enormous grin. "I can be back again in two weeks, if that works for you... I can't wait to see what you do for an encore."

 

2.

As soon as we got back to the Riptide, Nick and Cody talked about wanting to celebrate finishing the case and saving Cody and Tina -- and even Quinlan.

But I couldn't stay up there and talk. I thrust the gun back into Nick's hand, and I couldn't make it down to my room fast enough.

"Computer emergency?" Cody chuckled.

Nick didn't laugh. "We were pretty worried about you, man. He just needs some time ... alone."

Nick is right, but it's not what he thinks. I need some time alone, but...

Trying not to think of what will happen if they come after me and walk in, I lay on my back, masturbating.

The feeling of power, the surge of strength I felt, holding those men at gunpoint? If I'd had any doubt about working as a detective, it disappears into dust as I come, muffling my cries with one arm.

As I fall asleep, my last waking thought is a wish that another case will be coming to us soon.

 

3.

Once we'd rescued Natalie and everything was calmed down again, I was ready to take her aside and sit her down for a good long talk.

I should have said something before, but being in the middle of a case, trying to find a missing person -- her! -- and trying to collect clues doesn't leave a lot of time for dealing with other issues, you know.

Granted, I didn't completely understand the situation, just overhearing some of what she said to him, but Nick is a great guy. Just because he cheated on an exam in high school -- it seems odd to me, actually cheating on a test, but he and I are different in a lot of ways.

But that was years ago, and she shouldn't be still holding a grudge against him like that!

I spent a lot of time thinking about what one old friend was saying about another dear friend of mine, and built up a big head of steam. I came storming up the stairs, ready to have it out with her... and walked right in on them. Kissing.

Well, I guess there's no more argument going on between them. I grinned as I went back to my room as quietly as I could. Isn't it amazing to see hate turn to love?

 

4.

I was raised by a strong mother, alongside my sister, and there's one thing that I learned very early on: it's wrong to make a girl -- or a woman -- cry.

Despite that, Alison's tears, surrounded by all those bouquets of flowers, was the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

 

5.

You could have knocked me over with a feather when Brandy walked into my room.

I was sitting there at my computer, typing away, already working on our next case -- and listening to Nick and Cody argue. I jumped when she put a hand on my shoulder, and I really hope I didn't yelp, but I can't be sure.

"Um, yes, Brandy?" I asked, when I could find words. Not that those words that I managed really qualified for great conversation.

"Hey, Murray. I guess you heard the guys upstairs, huh?" she asked. I nodded. "They're fighting over who gets to take me out tonight. And I guess I got sort of sick of it. Would you mind if I sat down here with you?"

I was still struck silent, but I gestured to the edge of my bed and nodded. Maybe she didn't even notice that I wasn't talking, because she kept going.

"It makes me feel like... like I'm not even a person when they do that, Murray. That's why I went to those other agencies and other people for help before I came to the guys, you know? Because I knew they'd end up fighting over me like this. Maybe they think it impresses me, I don't know. Maybe I owe them this, for saving my dad, for getting him out of Mexico, for getting him away from DeeDee? But I don't know, Murray. I just don't know. They've always been like this, as long as I've known them. Sometimes I think I love them. But sometimes, I think I need to find someone who's the opposite of them. Somebody... somebody like... "

That's when Nick and Cody showed up at my door.

"Hey, Brandy," Cody said, and at least the guys had the good grace to look embarrassed.

"We're sorry," Nick said. "Listen, Cody and I were talking -- after we realized you were gone, and --"

"Would you like to go out to dinner?" Cody interrupted. Nick gave him a dirty look for that, but Cody missed it. "With both of us, I mean? To make up for fighting like that in front of you?"

"Please?" Nick asked.

To my surprise, she stood up and went to them. They each took one of her arms to lead her out the door. At least she gave me one last look over her shoulder before she left, and she even looked a little sorry. And then she left.

I'd never act like that with you, Brandy. I'd never treat you like an object, something to be fought over, like children arguing over a toy. I'd treat you like a person. No. I'd treat you like a queen, Brandy.

That's what I should have said, damn it.

 

6.

There's something very exhilarating about solving a case, that's true. But it's even more amazing to have saved a life, like we did with Connie.

From her blood sugar reaction, to saving her from the Lynx and from the fire...

It's funny, since I met her in a theater that was showing a Disney movie. I loved those shows as a child, and I still do, how the heroes come in and save the beautiful damsel in distress.

Truman only cared about the gems, hidden away in a safe deposit box. But I saved someone's life today. And that's worth all the diamonds in the world.

 

7.

Oh boy, I'm still sore from that beating I took. And I'll bet I'm going to be feeing it for quite a few days.

But -- well, it's funny. When Cody came upstairs, he gave me a little pat on the back, and it's amazing how quickly I feel better.

I wonder if the guys know how good that feels, or how long it's been since I've had a friend that did that, especially so casually.

I wish there was some way to thank them, but they do it in such an offhand way, without really thinking about it -- it might make them self conscious if I said something, and who knows? Maybe they'd even stop doing it.

So, I won't say anything -- at least for now -- but I think I'm going to like it here.

 

8.

It's so easy to envy them, the ease with which they can joke around with these beautiful women. Jane and Tracy seem like a couple of great gals, even if their way of kidding is a little different than what I'm used to.

But even as much as I'm trying to be relaxed around them, it knocks me back a step to see them like this. They stand there with Nick and Cody, wearing maternity dresses and pillows shoved up underneath. The guys each have an arm around them, teasing and pretending -- are they pretending? -- to sweet-talk them.

It's all too easy to imagine the future; not that the guys will necessarily end up with them, but they'll certainly be with someone, and I could easily imagine them with kids.

But the thing that comes to my mind so clearly, standing here, is -- as God is my witness, someday all that will be mine, too.

 

9.

I've got a lot of respect for nurses. It's one of the most incredible professions, and even without seeing Elizabeth at work, I know that she's wonderful at her job. Clearly she's caring and devoted to ending suffering and making a person feel better...

And watching her with Cody, right now I'd give anything to be sick. Because having a fever and maybe even a touch of nausea would be completely worth it, just to have the face of that particular angel of mercy hovering over mine.

 

10.

I've never even seen her face, and almost certainly I'll never meet her. But I love her.

I knew, from the time he first spoke of her, with such a look of love and admiration in his eyes, that she was someone special. She must be, for someone like him to love her so very much.

Speaking to her on the phone only confirmed my feelings for her, hearing her worry for these two and the enormous relief in her voice when I told her that they were safe and being cared for, and that she would see them again soon.

When we said a sad goodbye to Chin and Mai at the airport, sending them back to Cambodia, I gave them each an extra kiss. I told them that they should bring it back to their friend, Sister Mary Ann, with my thanks for loving them both so much

 

11.

My face was flushed and I was extremely flustered when I ran into Cody's hospital room like that. Nick and Cody just assumed that it was because of the information I had found out about Sheila.

Really, that was part of it. It was very upsetting to find out that sort of information about our client, and Cody's girlfriend, in the search of the hospital records. That, and the sight of Cody, lying there in the hospital bed, covered by bandages and bruises.

But the truth is, my face was red before I even saw him.

When Nick asked me later about how I got into the hospital computers, I told him about the nurse who was trying to play one of the games I invented, and how she was so honored to meet me.

Unfortunately, some clues about how to defeat the aliens wasn't quite enough to get that information from their system.

Fortunately for all of us, she was honored enough at meeting me to escort me to a storage room a few feet away. She was also honored enough to raise her skirt and let me fuck her.

Nick and Cody don't need to know that computers are not the only way I know how to find out what we need to know.

 

12.

It's kind of a catch-22, you could say... my mind returns again and again to the feeling of the ropes against my skin, struggling to free myself, being punished for some real or imagined offense.

But how can you be sexually excited by something when the memory also includes your kid sister whispering in your ear, asking how we're going to get out of this?

 

13.

Her dark eyes smile up at me, and even without speaking, she communicates her love. Of course, some of that could be that I'm feeding her with my fingers, a romantic move that I've heard Nick and Cody talking about before.

It's paying off, because when I touch her, stroking at her soft skin, she presses against me, then pulls back only to rub me again harder.

She still doesn't speak, but she makes needy noises that makes me want to give her everything. Finally I give in and give her what she's begging for.

Cupcake really loves those fish, and she loves me for giving them to her, I think.

I only wish her trainer felt the same way...


	2. Season Two

14.

At least they made sure to stay fully dressed around us, that's all I can say. Marion even freaked out if we saw her without all her makeup on.

But I could never get used to the array of... feminine... well, underthings hanging on a clothesline in the salon.

It was the longest two weeks of my life. Even in the privacy of the bathroom, with the door locked and the water running, I just couldn't masturbate, knowing those girls were on the Riptide.

They were our responsibility to protect while they were here, and the three of us became like big brothers. We took our job very seriously.

But... damn. If those girls had been just a few years older...

 

15.

I was okay until we got on the ground and got out of the helicopter. Somehow, on the ground again, with the MPs standing around congratulating us for bringing down the drug runners, it all hit home.

Looking through the Mur-Deke gunsite and firing missles at the outline of another helicoter that was firing at us, well, it was like playing one of my own video games. I had just killed people. Men. Other soldiers. Dirty soldiers, sure. And yes, they were trying to kill us. But... I fired a missle and now they were...

I think I managed to mutter some kind of excuse before I ran off. At least I got behind one of the helicopters sitting there before I fell to my knees and threw up everything I'd eaten in roughly the last week.

You'd think that someone walking on grass wouldn't make any sound, but they do. I couldn't look up at the guys, I just couldn't.

"Colonel Bozinsky?"

Oh my God. No. Please, just... no. Not him.

General Johnson tried again. "Murray?"

At least I was done being sick, but trying to get to my feet and stand at attention was a joke. He reached out and held onto my arm to steady me, and shook his head.

"First of all, at ease. You're retired from the Army, you don't have to stand at attention around me."

Oh, just when I think I couldn't be any more humiliated. Duh.

"Sir, I -- General -- I'm sorry -- "

"Those two lieutenants of mine were so right about you," Pitbull Johnson said, shaking his head. I must have either gone even paler or turned a brighter red, because he tightened his grip on me. "Of course, they didn't really have to tell me what a great soldier you are."

"I -- great? Soldier? But -- ?"

"It takes great reflexes to do what you did up there, Bozinsky, protecting your friends. Some people would have been too squeamish, but you did what had to be done."

We both avoided looking at the evidence a few feet away of how squeamish I'd really been, but we both knew it was there. He nodded at my doubtful look.

"Did Ryder and Allen ever tell you about the first time they flew in a helicopter with me?"

"Um, no sir."

"Well, I had Nick take her up and show us what he'd learned in flight school. Cody and I sat below, with some other men. A few minutes into the flight, Cody lost his lunch."

I giggled, I couldn't help it. Cody still gets uncomfortable when Nick shows off some of his more wild flying techniques. The general looked amused, too, I was glad to see. He waited until I got myself under control to finish.

"Yeah, I thought it was pretty funny myself, until he made a few defensive moves that I'd never seen before -- let's just say that Cody wasn't the only one to get sick on that flight."

"You, too? Sir?"

"Yep, me too. It sounded like Ryder was pretty amused by us, himself, if the sounds coming over our headsets from the cockpit were any sign. That lasted until he landed. Or tried to land, anyway."

"Um. Tried?"

"That looney-tunes lieutenant damn near missed the ground," the general snorted.

"But... Nick is a great pilot. And Cody... well, he hardly ever gets airsick when Nick flies us somewhere in the Mimi."

"Yeah, well, they couldn't really quit, now could they, sitting there in the middle of Vietnam? But I'll tell you what, they sure wanted to, from the looks on their faces. A little later that day -- after our stomachs had settled -- we went back up again. And things got better from there."

"They aren't quitters, my partners." If I sounded proud, it's because I am. They're great guys.

"Yeah, and you're not either. That's one of the things that they've both told me about you."

"I won't quit. It's just..."

"You're feeling embarrassed about having puked," he stated. I couldn't speak, but just nodded. "That's okay. We've all been there..." He paused, looking over my shoulder at something in the distance. "Ask the guys sometime about the first time they had to kill someone, out on patrol. There was this sargeant, he had it just right... Hey, guys."

I turned around to find Nick and Cody approaching, looking at us questioningly. "Hi, guys," I said, feeling nervous, but God bless him, Pitbull Johnson never gave me away.

"I was just telling the colonel about the first time you guys took me up for a flight," he told them, holding back a grin.

I smiled again myself, pleased to find that it actually felt genuine. I was also very pleased to see that my partners could turn even redder than I could. They stammered out that they'd tell me the real story about that later.

I just let my smile get bigger as we all walked away together.

Someday, maybe I'll remember to ask the guys about their first time that they had to... maybe.

 

16.

I didn't expect them to understand, you know. I don't know why it should have taken me so much by surprise when they laughed.

They don't know what it's like to be famous -- even if you never wanted it -- and be interviewed for what you thought was going to be a nice little article about your computer work. Only to have it be two pages of mean-spirited comments about the way I dress and talk and how excited I get about computers, and find out only when it comes out that it's titled "It's GEEK To Me". I suppose it's not fair to expect them to understand what it's like.

~a little later~

I'm having a hard time wiping the smile off my face, but I'll do my best, because it's not funny... Lots of people get seasick.

But what really made me smile was when Nick thought I was already down in the salon. He actually tried to get her to take back her nasty article -- the one about his good friend Murray. And if Cody had been there, he'd have backed him up, too.

Maybe they do understand, after all. Pity they had to meet up with Tawny Clark to really get it.

 

17.

"Murray, please --"

"Shut up, Stephanie," I barked, and blessedly, she did.

She let out a soft whimper, but I didn't care.

I kept thrusting into her.

"How does it feel to be fucked, Stephanie? How does it feel to have someone do to you what you did to me, huh? To pretend you're loved and cared about, but you were just out to get me, weren't you? Tell me how it feels, Stephanie. Tell me how it feels. Tell me --"

I woke up before I could come, feeling dirty and guilty and horrified by my own throbbing erection. I tried to think of anything other than sex, but it refused to go away. I masturbated, imagining every sexual image I'd ever been exposed to, but again, nothing.

Finally, giving in and thinking of her, I came. Somehow, that's what it took to be free. The dream... or nightmare... hasn't returned since, and Stephanie no longer haunts me.

 

18.

"What, Jessie? Guys, no!"

"Aw, come on, Murray. She's a nice lady, there's no shame in admitting that you like her," Cody teased.

Nick laughed, elbowing him. "Yeah, Boz. Hey, let's call her, huh? Set you up on a date with her? She's --"

"No!" I guess that came out a little louder than I'd intended, but they were still grinning at me. "Guys, you need to believe me. Jessie is a very nice lady. But no. There's nothing there for me."

"Awww --"

"Cody. I'm. Not. Interested." They both shrugged and changed the subject and we settled back into our card game.   
It's just a good thing that I'd taken the batteries out of my Beat the Box prototype.

 

19.

Baby Katie had been awake and crying for several minutes by the time Murray staggered up the stairs from his room and into the main salon.

"Guys?" he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Nick and Cody only shook their heads at him and went back to their debate of how to get the little girl to go to sleep.

Cody insisted that she wasn't hungry, that she'd refused the bottle he'd prepared for her. Nick was quick to counter that he'd probably done it wrong, maybe it wasn't warmed long enough, or maybe it was even too hot. Had he checked that she hadn't burned her mouth?

Her mouth was wide open as she howled and they both could see that there was nothing wrong with it, and the topic quickly changed to the state of her diaper -- was she wet, had Nick checked that, yet?

Yes, he had. Had Cody bothered to check if it was too tight on her, or...

Murray finally stopped trying to interrupt his partners, and instead reached out, taking the sobbing infant from Cody's arms.

Both men protested, but Murray simply turned away from them, rocking her and whispering to her under his breath as he held her close.

Their protests died off as her crying stopped. She even cooed once or twice before she drifted back to sleep. He continued to rock her carefully, making sure that she was out for the night before he laid her in the crib they'd borrowed and placed in the middle of the room.

Giving her one last pat, he turned to go, only to be stopped by Nick's hand on his shoulder.

"Murray," the man whispered, "how did you do that?"

Murray glanced back over his shoulder, offering a small shrug at their dumbfounded looks. "Sometimes everybody just needs to be held, guys. Didn't you know that? Good night."

For a long minute they stood together in the darkened room, staring from Murray's closed bedroom door to the sleeping baby and back again. Finally, trading a look, they went back to their room.

 

20.

I feel badly for Nick, for what his old classmates did to him. I know a little bit about what it's like to be betrayed by people you thought were your friends.

But I was lucky. That was a long time ago, and I've had plenty of time to get over it.

Nick doesn't know it, but in a very small way, he's luckier than I was at the time. He's got two very good friends who will be there for him, to help him in any way we possibly can.

We'll do whatever we can to prove to him that some friends don't change.

 

21.

I have to say, I'm very happy for William that he's heading back to school. He's got a great future ahead of him -- especially if he takes classes from my old friend Jerome Sedgewick, he's a great and happening and guy, and an even better physics teacher... oh, but I digress.

As happy as I am for him -- and for his parents, who are absolutely beside themselves with relief -- I'm glad he had his chance to follow his dream of being an actor, as well.

It's kind of the reverse of what I experienced, in a strange sort of way, you know.

Sure, I loved school. I always did. But I always had the idea that it wasn't really my real dream. That's why I went through so many jobs over the years, I suppose. But going to school was what was expected of me, so that's what I did. It was only years later that I discovered what my dream was, all along, and thank God, I've gotten to live it. Too bad it took me so long to find it, but in the long run, it's been worth it -- I've had a lot of great experiences along the way, and without them, I wouldn't have been the same person when I met Nick and Cody.

William has had the chance to experience the dream and now to go back to real life. And if he ever decides that real life is boring, he can always go back to the dream.

But maybe he should take some acting classes, first.

 

22.

If Cody and I were able to help Nick a few months ago, when his friends betrayed him, why won't Cody let me and Nick help him now?

Nick says that Cody is like that. He needs to be alone right now. But when he needs us, we'll be there, waiting. You can count on that.

 

23.

I never thought I'd see the day that Pier 56 wouldn't be a safe place to live, and to take a nice stroll down the pier for an ice cream of a hot summer night.

Actually, it always has been sort of dangerous, as long as the Riptide Detective Agency has had it as our home base. Perhaps we attract the baser element to our happy little water-bound neighborhood?

Honestly, from young people driving their speedboats too fast in the no-wake zone -- and ruining some perfectly good -- and expensive! -- new equipment, to roughians knocking a poor old lady into the ocean in an attempt to kidnap her and get the deed to the pier itself, to the groups of thugs who manage to follow us around with machine guns in tow -- where do they get those things, anyway? Aren't they supposed to be illegal?

I know Nick and Cody were only kidding me, but perhaps I should consider running for public office after all.

 

24.

Lois Ames is right, Murray thought, thoroughly enjoying the feel of gentle hands caressing his face and lips pressing against his.

Some of these beauty pagent contestants are sluts who will do anything to get a judge's attention.

Isn't it wonderful?

 

25.

Nick had always said that our friendship, the three of us, was always going to mean more to him than any woman that came along. That what he always said, until Peggy came along and he went running after her, leaving us behind, nursing our injuries.

I'll bet Cody understands it better than I did -- he always said the same thing. Until Sheila came along. It took us all a long time to get over that, long after Cody and Sheila weren't seeing each other, anymore. I suppose it'll be like that with Nick and Peggy.

It's selfish of me to think about this at a time like this -- but I wonder if I'll ever have a woman that I think is worth chosing over the guys.

 

26.

I was re-reading an article about Bax the other day. It refers to him several times as being eccentric. I suppose that's as true a term as any for him, especially to the writer who didn't actually meet him and get to know him, who only knew of him by reputation. But it really hit home with me. I suppose he knows that people think of him that way, just like I know that people think of me that way, too. Maybe even Nick and Cody do, too. I think of myself as totally normal, but that's beside the point...

Can a woman love a man who is eccentric? Baxter has Denise, but Cody told me about how they're only friends. Does Baxter have a woman in his life? The Contessa girls seemed to like him, but maybe it's just his fame and his money. I can understand what that's like, I've been there, too.

If I'm eccentric, too -- will I ever have someone? Or will I be alone, except for my friends, like Baxter is?

 

27.

Her lips press against mine, shy and uncertain, and I can't help returning the favor. And yet... there's no taste. All the other kisses I've ever had -- not that there've been as many as I'd like -- there's always been some type of flavor.

Sometimes it's the lipstick or lipgloss that she wears. Lots of brands have fruit flavors now that linger on your lips after a woman kisses you.

Sometimes it's the way you can taste a scent, from a woman's perfume.

And sometimes it's just the sweetness of the kiss itself. I could swear that I feel the pressure of her lips, and yet, when I try to kiss her back...

I reach out for my nightstand and turn on the light just as I open my eyes.

No one is there. I get up and look all over my room, and when I can't find anyone, I try to convince myself that it was only a dream.

That is, until I go back to bed and find something next to my pillow, and pick it up -- it's a small white glove.

Tomorrow, I'll go to Tiny Tommy's lot. I'd like to take another look at that list of people who lived on the Mary Aberdeen.

 

28.

We looked all over New Orleans, but we couldn't find Myrna. I hope she moved on to better things, but it's more likely that she's just working somewhere else now.

At any rate, Nick and Cody helped me find another woman. I didn't know if I felt like being with anyone, really, once we got there, but maybe it's what I needed.

The trouble was, once I got into the room with the woman, I just -- oh, hell. I just couldn't. Not with her.

I'm pretty sure she was confused. I know I was, and embarrassed, too. Feeling humiliated, I closed my eyes. I don't know what she said, but suddenly I flashed on a blurry image of a Russian spy named Tonya. And to my surprise, I became hard.

I only saw little glimpses of her. I heard more of her voice as she spoke to Litvak, talking about me, and it was her voice that returned to me now. The prostitute's didn't sound Russian at all, but somehow when she spoke, I heard Tonya's voice.

I couldn't speak, and I actually had to fight back the hiccups, but I nodded when her voice asked me if I was ready, and again when she asked me if I wanted her to be in charge, now.

I let her hold my wrists together with one hand while with the other she guided my hard cock into her. I suppose that she'd seen a lot.

She seemed to understand when I got equal parts of comfort and pleasure and embarrassment and frustration out of it. She was gentle, but brusque, and I came, fast and hard.

I still don't understand what it means... but despite that she wanted to buy me and take me to Russia and never let me see my friends and family again, she protected me from Litvak, and sneered at him for what he did.

I wish I could say that I've never thought of Tonya Petrov since that night in New Orleans. But that would be a lie.

 

29.

I shifted from foot to foot several times before I could finally get started and say what I needed to say. Nick and Cody just stared at me. It wasn't until I realized that they were getting worried about me that I was able to spit it out.

"It's nothing against you guys, I want to say that from the beginning," I told them. "I think you're great guys, and wonderful friends. I'm sorry to say this, but it needs to be said."

"What needs to be said, Boz?" Nick asked. "You haven't said anything, yet."

"Oh! I'm sorry, guys. It's just that you're so great, and she is, too. But I just don't think it would work out! Maybe I'm overstepping my bounds, but she's been my friend for a lot of years, and it just wouldn't be right, all right?"

My friends just looked at each other blankly and then turned back to stare at me again, as if they were waiting for something. Nick opened his mouth to say something, but for some reason, Cody grabbed his arm and shook his head. "Murray? You want to be a little bit more specific about what it is that you are talking about?"

I blinked back. Usually the guys are a lot quicker on the update... "I don't think either of you should date Juliet."

When they still looked confused, I tried to explain it a little more slowly. "She's a very attractive young lady, guys. I know that. Not that I'd try -- I mean, she's very nice, and any man would be lucky to date her, but she's more like a... well, not like a daughter... more like a niece, I would say, I suppose..."

"Ahhh. You feel responsible for Juliet," Cody nodded. "Her father was a good friend of yours. You want to protect her from... well, from us. Is that about it, Boz?"

I nodded, and they both looked very relieved.

"Okay, Murray. That's fine," Nick said, standing up and patting my back. "We're not interested in Juliet, so there's no problem."

Well, now... wait a minute. Now I'm confused! "What's the matter with Juliet? Why aren't you interested? I'll have you know that she's a very nice young lady --"

Nick slammed their bedroom door behind him, and I could hear him muttering to himself down there.

I guess I'll never understand the guys, no matter how hard I try.

 

30.

I had a wonderful dream the other night... warm breath on my face and chest, sweet (if a bit wet) kisses all over my body, and running my fingers through long blonde hair...

And then I woke up to find that Bucky had chewed through his leash and gotten into bed with me, again.

Damn it, Cody, stop laughing and tell me when Francine and Gary are coming back from that resort and taking him back to her place!

Dumb dog.

 

31.

I turned bright red when Gloria kissed me, and an even darker shade after I kissed her back, and when I turned my head, I could see Nick and Cody trading a look.

It was that sort of funny-but-at-the-same-time-obnoxious 'isn't geek love cute' look. But I didn't care. I was privately thanking God that we'd thought to put Cody's good white tablecloth over the table. That way, they couldn't see that she had one gentle, well-manicured hand cupped over the front of my pants.

Actually, it's pretty amazing -- my face was hot and I was sure that I was bright red, but she simply smiled at me affectionately after I kissed her, and despite her fingers pressing against my cock, I was actually able to relax.

And after dinner, I suggested that I could take Gloria below and give her a tour of my equipment ... computer equipment, I added quickly, but Nick and Cody didn't seem to notice, getting up quickly and deciding to go out for a walk.

"They're great friends," Gloria said with a smile after they'd left. I blinked at her, but only smiled back and offered a hand to take her free one as I led her down the stairs.

 

32.

Her name was Alicia, and from the first time I spotted her on the campus of M.I.T., I was in love. Puppy love, I guess you'd call it, but I was sure that it was real.

She was beautiful, and she was brilliant, and I would have given everything I owned if she would have just looked at me and *seen* me.

But of course she didn't, I was young and skinny and geeky, even for M.I.T., the Mecca of geeks.

And even if she never looked at me, I still would have followed her anywhere. Until that one day, in an ethics class, during a discussion.

She stood up and defended the use of research information discovered as a result of the Nazi death camps. Several people gasped, and the rest were struck silent with horror as she continued, insisting that how the information was gained didn't really matter, it was still research, and... legitimate. She actually said... legitimate.

To this day, I don't remember what the professor said to her, or how the rest of the class went on after that. For what seemed like a very long moment, I couldn't stop staring at her.

And I'd thought that she was a beautiful woman. But after that day, I could never look at her again.

Of course, she never even knew that. But I did.

 

33.

Wouldn't it be amazing, to be able to forsee the future? To know what's going to happen next, or even things that are months or years away?

Wouldn't it be great to find out who you might end up spending your life with?

Then again... no. I'd rather be surprised.

 

34.

Cody stared at me for the longest time after I came home from my dinner with Giovanna. I could tell that it was just killing him, wanting to ask me about our date, and yet not wanting to.

He was so jealous, he couldn't stand it. I have to admit it, it actually felt pretty good, having someone like him be jealous of someone like me. I just looked at him, waiting to see if he would ask, but eventually he just shook his head and went back to reading his sailing magazine.

It's better that way, really.

I didn't want to have to admit the truth to him. All she talked about all night was _him_.

 

35.

After not having a lot of friends when I was growing up -- and having had none like Nick and Cody -- each experience of our friendship is something new to me.

I really was truly angry at them, and at the time, I meant the things I said about moving out. And yet... at the same time, I think I was hoping deep down that my saying that would stop the fight and make them tell me not to go, and tell me -- finally -- that my friendship means a lot to them, too.

The fact that they didn't really hurt me. But nothing -- other than some of the sexual experiences that I've had -- made me feel better than the moment that Sara left and we began, slowly, to laugh. And just when I thought that nothing could ever feel so good as that, Nick and Cody grinned at me and pulled me into their hug.


	3. Season Three

36.

The guys and I were privileged to be in on what should really have been a private conversation between our client Sherry and her daughter, Beverly. I have to admit, it's more than a little disgusting that Billy Hagen had been -- well, intimate with both mother and daughter.

Nick and Cody and I shared a surprised look when Sherry said that he'd wanted her to have an abortion. That subject had never come up between us, before.

Being a Catholic, I guess I know what I'm supposed to think and feel about that idea... but I'm not really sure.

Beverly seems like a nice girl, if a little naive, and the idea that she might not have ever been born is sad for me. But perhaps Sherry's family was supportive of her, or she had good friends? A lot of girls in that era weren't so lucky, from what I've read.

I know it's a choice I would have a hard time making. I guess I'm just glad -- again -- that I'm not a woman.

 

37.

I'd always been a fan of Marlene's, even since the first time I saw her do a news report on television. She wasn't just one of the usual "talking heads" kind of reporter, reading off a teleprompter, she actually seemed to know, and even more so, *care* about the story she was telling the world.

And so, when we met her in person, I have to admit that I was more than a little starstruck by being around her. Of course, I felt the pull to help her, especially considering... well, what was going on with her health. But maybe my feelings of attraction to her played a role in my fighting so hard to not only solve her case, but also save her life.

I could never even admit to her the enormous crush I had on her -- I was tongue-tied just talking to her -- so, how could I ever admit to her the shameless fact that...

Well, she was a fantasy of mine. Hers was the face that I had often pictured hovering over mine when I masturbated. It embarrasses me to admit, even to myself, that after I knew that she was sick, and maybe even dying... I didn't stop. I still imagined myself with her, doing *that*.

And then one day, I came home to the Riptide, and Nick and Cody were there waiting for me, looking very sad. They'd taken the phone call from an associate of Marlene's, just an hour before. She was gone. I've masturbated since then, of course. But not while thinking about her, never again with her.

 

38.

I didn't know what to expect, when Nick and Cody came up with that idea -- me, dressed in women's clothes? To impersonate that beautiful lady, Renee?

"Guys, are you sure?"

I was more than a little uncertain about the plan, but Nick and Cody **needed** me, and that's pretty much all it takes to get me to do anything at all, is for those guys to be counting on me.

So I gritted my teeth and went into the tiny, broken down house, not quite believing that someone could live there. At first, I thought I was alone, and began to get undressed, but I froze at the sight of someone moving towards me, out of the shadows.

It was a woman, an absolutely gorgeous woman, but from the tentative way she moved, eyes on the floor, I could see that she was used to being -- well, from the wrong side of the tracks, even in this dirt-poor town.

She was shy, but she came forward, and when she approached me, she said something in Spanish, and then managed the word in heavily accented English.

"Clothing," she said, gesturing to her blouse and long skirt.

"Um, yes. Si," I told her, pointing to myself.

She just looked back and nodded, and I guess I didn't realize at first that she only had the one set of clothing, the one that she was wearing. I began to understand when she motioned that I should hurry up and get undressed, and she did the same. I should have turned around, given her some privacy, but she didn't seem to mind, quickly stripping down to very limited undergarments that she owned.

I followed her example the best I could, and soon there were two piles of clothes in the center of the dim little room. We both required a little help to get into the unfamiliar clothes -- not only of a different sex, but also of a different nationality, if that makes sense -- but soon we both were dressed. It was actually pretty interesting to see the transformation of us both. Once she was standing more upright, she was as tall and skinny as I am. But it looked *good* on her.

"Murray! Hurry up in there," Cody hollered from outside, and I suddenly felt the doubt return.

Could I actually go out there? Dressed in women's clothing? I knew that I must, it was for a case, it was to help the guys, and it was to help a woman in need... but oh hell, can you say 'emasculating'?

The woman in the room was looking at me appraisingly, and I wondered just how to communicate my fears to her. And yet, despite all our differences, she somehow seemed to understand.

She reached out to touch me, and whispered. "Hombre. Hombre en un vestido, pero un hombre tan macho."

"Macho?" I whispered back. I knew that word. The others, I considered, mulling over my knowledge of Latin. *A man. A man in a -- dress? But -- macho.*

As if to prove her words, she dropped to her knees in front of me, and I closed my eyes as I felt my underwear being eased down to my feet. Warm breath clouded over my hardening cock, and her long dark hair tickled at the inside of my thighs, her head ducked under the skirt that I wore.

She took me into her mouth, and even as I couldn't see her, I could feel her lips and tongue moving on me, licking and sucking. I gasped, holding her shoulders and rocking back and forth. Even as I tried to take in a breath, she swallowed.

Knowing that Cody was nearby, I muffled my cry with the sleeve of her blouse, and knew that I'd always associate this memory with the dark, musky smell of her that I inhaled at that moment that I came for her.

Ducking back out from under her skirt, she sat back on her heels and stared up at me, her eyes shining.

"Mi hombre," she murmured, and I wanted to stay. But then --

"Murray! Come _on_ ," Cody yelled.

I looked down at her, but she only shook her head.

"Apresurar. Vaya para ayudar a la senora."

I knew an order when I heard it, besides, she was pointing towards the door. I paused to kiss her sweet mouth before I left her.

When it was all over... Nick never really got over losing Renee, but when he was able to smile again, and then laugh, he and Cody had some fun, teasing me about wearing that dress, and how _relaxed_ I seemed, wearing women's clothing.

I just blushed, and laughed a little with them, but I never told. Just like Nick never told the whole story of him and Renee. It wouldn't be fair to the memory of her. I know, and I understand, even if they think I don't.

 

39.

Even after we solved the case, I was still feeling a little uncertain.

Yes, we caught my nemesis, but more and more people are using computers, now. And more and more of them are up to no good! How long will it be before someone else can do more than I can?

And if I can't be the best, and if more security roadblocks get put into computers, and if I can't get the information that we need to solve cases, then what use am I to the guys?

So I went back to the bar. Cody had finally explained to me what the bartender had meant about women who didn't buy their own drinks. I found one, and in exchange for a few drinks, she was pretty reassuring.

Apparently, I have a lot to be proud of. I guess I knew that. But damn, it's nice to hear it. Even if it's from someone who has no idea who I am.

 

40.

Nick and Cody laughed at me when I came home with the secrets to accessing the thirteenth floor of Tricor -- and Zelda's lipstick smeared across my face.

I think they were surprised, too. Did they think I was that innocent that I wouldn't go that far to get what I wanted?

I'll bet they'd be even more surprised if I showed them where else she left her lipstick.

 

41.

I'm going to miss Brenda. All those years in high school, she was my friend -- or I thought she was, anyway -- but I would have given anything for her to be more.

As she walks away from me, up the gangway and down the pier to her car, I can't help but have my doubts. After all these years, she actually wanted me, can you believe that?

Nick and Cody were right, of course. We'd -- grown apart. We didn't really have anything in common anymore, now that we weren't in chemistry class.

But would it have hurt anything if I'd put off sending her away, just for a couple more dates? Just enough to make all those years of longing for her... well, worthwhile? Just once?

 

42.

After all the trouble we went to, helping Robin and Marian and the kids, I was in the mood to go out and rent the original movie.

You know, the one with Erroll Flynn?

I know it's a classic movie. I know it's a great show, very entertaining. But honestly, one thought keeps returning to me again and again -- he had to have stuffed his tights.

Didn't he?

 

43.

All the horrible things I've ever said or even thought about Lieutenant Quinlan come back and haunt me as I sit and wait for his memorial service to begin. I can't believe he's gone.

But something odd happens. The service begins, and -- well, I knew that people would be saying wonderful things about him, you don't criticize a person at their funeral, I know that. It's just...

Can any of these people who are getting up and talking have really known him? They're saying all these things about how _kind_ he was, and how he was a 'real people-person' -- what does that _mean_? Sure, in a lot of ways he was good at his job, you could say that for him. But... kind? No. I'm torn between horror and laughter, or maybe it's just horrified laughter.

I cover my mouth with my hand and turn away to muffle a giggle as someone makes an especially sugary comment about him, and I see _her_.

I don't remember her name, and she is standing too far away for me to read her shiny name tag on the front of her dress uniform. I've seen her before, at the King Harbor Police Department. She was one of the officers that served under Quinlan, and suffered for it. She stands with the rest of the officers at the back of the hall, each of them at attention, as a sign of respect to him. Once this service is over, I'm going to go over and meet her. Because as I meet her eyes, I see the same expression struggling to the surface that I'm trying so very hard to hide.

She rolls her eyes at me, and I nod back at her. I smirk, and she winks at me, and I think I'm in love.

My god, can I really be falling in love at a funeral, at the funeral of one of the most enigmatic men I have ever hated and loved and reviled and respected?

Wouldn't he be annoyed, though? My finding the love of my life at his funeral? At the thought of his reaction, another giggle almost escapes, and she and I grin at each other again.

"Murray," Nick hisses. I try to nudge him away, but he's holding my arm and trying to shake it without making a scene. " _Murray!_ " he whispers again, a little louder this time, and I give up.

" _What_?" I hiss back. He points.

"See that beautiful woman? The one you're flirting with, at a funeral?" I nod, trying to push him away again. I'll explain this to him later. "Good. Now, see the guy sitting in the seat in front of her? The one who looks like he eats raw steak for breakfast? He's about six feet tall -- sitting down -- and looks like he weighs two hundred pounds, all muscle? The guy who is looking over at you right now?"

I'm exasperated, trying to figure out what he's getting at, and just barely manage to keep my answer quiet. "Yes, Nick. _What_?"

"He's her husband, Mur."

I can hear Nick smothering a chuckle of his own as I turn back around in my seat. Damn that Quinlan, he got one last laugh on my behalf.

 

44.

There are lots of kinds of love, I've thought of that many times. I guess one of the most misunderstood is the love of a father for a son.

When Nick came home from Ricky Wilkenson's funeral, I waited until he was out of earshot to call my Pop. I knew he was already hurting, in a lot of ways, and I didn't want him to overhear, but I just had to tell Pop how much I love him and miss him.

I was so blessed with *two* wonderful parents. I only wish Nick and Cody could have had that, too.

 

45.

After the three of us got home from the mall, I made an excuse to go back. I suppose I really didn't need to, Nick and Cody just nodded and said "see you later, Boz."

I told them there was something I'd seen in a store that I wanted to take another look at. I bet they think it was that computer part in the window of Radio Shack.

I thought I might have to make a cover story for the staff at the store, too. They didn't even blink an eye when I made my careful selection and carried it to the register. Perhaps they even thought I was buying a gift for my wife, or my girlfriend -- very flattering. They don't need to know I was buying it for myself.

A beautifully made piece of silk lingerie is just the thing for those lonely nights down in my room. No matter what I do with it, or who I picture in it, it'll be entertaining. I have a vivid imagination, let's just leave it at that.

 

46.

Beverly is a sweet girl. She really is. But she's not for me. Sometimes Cody makes me mad, you know?

All she wanted to talk about on our date is what a great guy he is, how handsome he is and how nice... like I don't know. I'm sure she meant well, but when she explained to me about what Cody had told her, about how she'd be a great match for this friend of his, she looked so... well, so blank, staring at me.

I can sympathize, you know. I felt the same way, wondering just what the hell Cody meant by that. What do we have in common, Beverly and I? She doesn't like computers or science, and I don't like talking about fashion and the poetry of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. There's more than that to both of us, I know, but that's sort of the gist of it.

The only thing we seem to have in common is a social awkwardness. I guess that's what Cody sees when he looks at us both.

I got home ready to yell at him, to get up close to his face and ask if being a geek is the only thing he sees in me after all these years. Is that all I am to him?

But when he asked how the date was, and I told him I probably wouldn't be seeing her again, he looked so disappointed. I just couldn't get mad at him, he's too nice. His heart was in the right place.

Sometimes I just wonder where his brain is.

 

47.

I'm standing there next to Andy and Danielle, all dressed up in morning coat and the whole works, holding their wedding rings. It's such an honor to be his best man, and to play such a big role on their most important day.

I'm so happy for them that they've found each other, and they're clearly so much in love.

Nick and Cody will each meet their Danielle someday, of that I have no doubt.

I hope and pray that I'll meet mine someday, too.

There's just one problem. Will I know her when I meet her? Or will I let her get away, like so many already have?

 

48.

Carla gasped and arched up against me, and for a moment I was afraid that I'd hurt her, but she stopped me before I could pull away.

"And where do you think you're going, Murray?" she laughed.

"Well... nowhere, if you don't want me to go," I said, relaxing back against her.

"Oh, hell, no. You're staying right here." She pauses and looks a little amused before she speaks again. "Murray? What changed? You've -- we've never gone this far, before. Not that I mind, but --"

"You know how I've said before, that I've learned some things from people that I never expected to learn anything from, Carla?"

"Yes..."

"Let's just say I learned something about following my dreams, this week. I'd been dreaming about doing this... with you." Just as I thrust into her again, she surprises me with some sudden and very unexpected moves, wringing the most amazing orgasm I've ever had out of me. Once I can breathe again, silently thanking God that Nick and Cody are out for the night and we're alone, I blink down at her triumphant smile. "Carla?"

"You're not the only one who can learn new things, Murray," she giggles. "Part of the deal with hiring those Hawaiian dancers -- you know how they say every motion of the hula tranlates to certain words? Guess what I'm saying now?"

Oh my... "Again?"

"Uh-huh."

 

49.

It's funny how people can have everything in front of them that they could ever want and still give it up. I suppose Cody doesn't think I understand what it's like to choose between one life and another. If he opened his eyes, he could see that lots of people have made choices, and then wondered and doubted...

But he's hurting, so I'll never say anything about it again. Maybe he'll never know, this way, but maybe he's better off that way.

or

I can tell from the way that Murray and Nick keep staring at me, they don't understand. I had Janet right there in front of me, and yet here we are, going home as she flys away in another direction -- again.

I don't know which of them is more shocked, but does it matter? Of course they don't understand. Choosing between one life and another, completely different one?

I mean, I suppose Murray... he chose between working in a lab and working with us. It's not like love was involved... oh.

But Nick, he doesn't -- except what about Renee? Oh, shit. They know.

They don't know that I know, though. And I don't want to talk about it. We all have to make choices, you know. It's just that... sometimes you don't know whether you regret them or not.

 

50.

Giovanna is so incredibly beautiful, and somehow the sadness in her eyes makes her even more so. I wish I could be the romantic, swashbuckling type, like a pirate, and sweep her off her feet. I'd take her away on a boat, sailing off into the sunset...

But maybe Cody can be her captain. I have to admit, he looks the part. And I -- well, I'm their friend. I'll be happy for them. That's what friends do.

Right?

 

51.

Gina stands there in the locker room, surrounded by men. The type of men who can play sports, and are sterotypically handsome and muscular. Some of them are dressed, and some are just wearing a towel.

How does she keep her composure, watching them standing there like that?

Oh, and how do they keep their composure. I wonder that, too. Of course I do.

 

52.

As much as I hate the word cute, they really are cute together.

Cody and I had to give him a hard time when he finally admitted to us on the way to meet Gloria that he likes her. He took us seriously, though. He honestly thought we didn't know.

Duh, Murray. Did you think we didn't see her put her hand on your cock under the table at dinner that night? Or the look on your face when you led her down the stairs to 'show her your equipment... um, _computer_ equipment'?

She's a lucky lady, to get such a good guy. She'd better take good care of him.

 

53.

It's not like I expected the guys to understand.

But honest to God, I'd never felt anything like it. The pressure, the vibration, the ohmygod thrumming against my overheated, leather-encased cock... not to mention her arms, wrapped around my waist, pressing herself against my back.

I don't care what you guys say about it not being safe. I am keeping that beautiful motorcycle.

 

54.

From where I stand on the deck, I can see them together, walking down the beach. They're holding hands. I should be so happy for them, but I guess... no. I know it. I'm jealous.

Why isn't it me?

 

55.

Rosalind is a gorgeous blonde, with an amazing figure. I could really fall in love with her.

But you know, especially after I heard those things she said to Cody about me -- about me being a geek -- I could fall in love with her, but I don't want to.

For some reason I'm watching Cary, instead. And I'm remembering how kind he was, and what a great sense of humor he has. And if I were to be really truthful with myself, how good looking he is.

But... now that I can see that... I'm finding myself remembering how it was Nick that went into the ocean after me to pull me out. And hearing again what Cody told Rosalind when she called me geeky. And I'm imagining how good it would feel if either of them were to put their arms around me, or even both of them at once... ?

Oh my God...

 

56.

Ultimately, Nick is right. I did what I had to do. Cody is alive. Nick has forgiven me for freezing up when I could have caused him to be killed, and even more amazing to me, Elaine has forgiven me for... what I did.

I killed an innocent man, that's what I did. I killed a man who was so much like me, if I could have only seen who he was, and admitted to myself what I am.

It's taken a few months for this all to happen; the shootings and the aftermath, and the changes I've made. I've made choices and decisions. It hasn't been easy, and if I had to go back and do it all over again... I don't know.

We all have to grow and change in our lives. I'd said that before to Nick and Cody, but I didn't realize at the time how much it would apply in my own life. I've changed more than I ever could have imagined. I was afraid to admit to my partners and best friends that I'm gay. They were surprised, and even more so to find out that I love them.

But turnabout is fair play, I've heard. I was even more surprised to find out that they could still love and care about me, gay or straight.

And that they'd had thoughts about me and about each other.

We're still in the talking phase. But we're all still friends.


End file.
